We met for coffee and a sandwich. I wanted that small sweet space between friendship and affair. I was okay with longing. Tom touched the back of my hand. He was wearing faded jeans and a soft red flannel shirt with the tails out. We ordered the same thing - ham and cheese on white with light mayo. I wanted to learn his habits. I shook two packets of sugar, tore the ends and poured them in his coffee. He smiled. I stirred. He reached in the pocket of his shirt and put mint leaves from his yard on the table. They were warm and smelled so good.

We sat across from each other in the booth and a patch of sun lit the middle of the table. My car key glinted. This tension with Tom didn?t have to resolve. If I slept with him what would happen to the wish? I was happy there at the diner, busy-hearted for that hour. I wore a black skirt for him, dark pink lipstick and a heavy polished-silver bracelet of my mother?s that banged against the table when I reached for my iced tea.

The waitress brought our food and there was mustard on Tom?s sandwich. He scraped it off with the blade of his knife. I tore off some of the mint leaves and put them in my tea. He asked me point blank if I thought about kissing him and I admitted I did. He asked why if I wanted something I didn?t just do it. I liked his question. It was like a cold gust of wind that fills your lungs with air you didn?t know you needed. I forgot I had a family.

We walked a few blocks down the median. It was a blanket of red clover and yellow dandelions. We checked into a motel on Airline Highway. I wanted to fuck him, quit the little diner dance and go through with this so I knew what it felt like to flat out do something wrong and real instead of forever thinking about an affair like some lonely romance-novel reading housewife. I wanted to step up and join my mother?s club ? acorn, tree - make love to my husband?s best friend, straighten my hair, go back home and prepare dinner, sit across the table from my husband and son with this secret dripping into my panties.

Tom and I lay on the bed and I wrapped my legs around him and rested my head on his shoulder. My mother and I took naps together when I was young, and the arm she kept around me would get heavy. If I tried to move it I?d wake her and she?d get up so I lay still. I didn?t think about her every day anymore, but right then I wanted her to come home. I hadn?t seen her in ten years. She?d left in the middle of the night with Benjamin, my father?s best friend, and moved to Spain.

The air conditioner was stuck on 65 degrees and the room was cold. We didn?t take off our shirts. Tom ran his finger under the bracelet on my arm. I closed my eyes to gather every bit of what he was doing. The TV was on too low to hear but okay, a noise you could forgive. I wondered if there were other lovers for her. I would have only one.


This flash was published in:



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